1. People pleasing tendencies— “They may actively try to avoid conflict by attempting to please those they suspect to be toxic. They might avoid standing up for themselves because they are so accustomed to being punished for doing”

I do stand up for myself. I do have conflict. Then I do get punished by all the NPD typical ways. But, if I let that blow over and call again, they act like nothing ever happened.

2. Sense of self doubt—
“highly vulnerable to being gaslighted and invalidated by predators in relationships”

I am often being gaslighted and invalidated in general by many people! I do not doubt myself. I am constantly fighting to validate myself to them (while they invalidate right to my face no matter what I say!)

“Remember that children who grow up in unpredictable or violent homes learn how to detect threats or changes in their environment early on in order to protect themselves. They were detectives, cops, psychologists and FBI agents well before the age of eight. They can read nonverbal body language, notice microexpressions and catch changes in tone before someone’s even said “Hello.”

^This is me for sure! But I actually learned it from my narcissistic mother. She taught me to read people, and she taught me well.

3. Fear about succeeding— “self-sabotage”

I do self-sabotage to stop me from succeeding all the time. I tell myself I don’t really want to succeed and keep doing whatever it is I’m doing. Or I get bored of it. I always thought I did that because I may have ADHD.

As for ‘in the spotlight’. I have literally been in the spotlight, and my mother was always pretty supportive. She came to see me in productions. But, she did not encourage my really doing it professionally, had a lovely expression to tell me to not do something saying, “Take the needle out of your arm!”

4. Insecurities-attachments— yes, me, totally

5. Defective and worthless— ‘inner critic’ definitely, and it is my mother’s harshly critical voice, things she would really say, and I embellish with things beyond what she would say to beat myself up. But thinking I am worthless or not deserving of good things— not at all. I am equal to anyone else. I like nice things and am happy to have them. I know I am a little defective, but so what? Aren’t we all?