I told my bf tonight that I didn't want him in the room with me tomorrow when I see T. I tell him everything, so naturally he asked why. I told him that I am having flashbacks of what my step-grandfather had done to me. I told him that there are just some things that I can't tell him or talk about in front of him. He kept pushing asking if I was mad at him or if I didn't trust him. I told him it's just not something I am comfortable talking about in front of him.
He pushed again, just asked if it was too painful. I snapped and told him "I JUST DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT!!!!"
I tried to tell him afterward that it is just very shameful, embarrassing, not something I talk to ANYONE about, etc. He seemed to get it. Then he asked, "are you mad at me?" and I told him no that it was just one example of him pushing too far and analyzing too much (We had just had a discussion about this a couple days ago).
I tried to tell him that it's not something I can stop thinking about and not something that someone who hasn't gone thru it would understand.
Now I feel like crap for snapping at him. I feel like I should just try to talk to him or something, but I can't.
I am just totally rambling now, but I needed to just get it out because I am having a really crappy time with flashbacks and dealing with mom's death and dealing with being bipolar and just getting back on meds.....it's all too much right now!!

BJ