Maybe the times you shut down you are doing self preservation.

Do you like your job? You can still become a rock star just to grind his azz. I’ll bet the drive that makes someone a rock star stems from the angst caused by their parents.

That’s what rock and roll is all about

My husband would have been more demanding like your dad had it not been for my artistic, imperfectionistic influence. I actually encouraged our son to pursue music in college and now he’s a music engineer.

If you have the educational background you said, and aren’t loving bouncing belligerent betters you may want to rethink your career.