I can relate to numbing yourself due to the horrific events you have survived.

My emotions have been shut down for years. And, I have avoided other people for many years also. I have no friends. I find friendships to be complex and not a lot of fun. Basically, I go to work and then go home and shut the door and shut out the world. It really doesn't work but that is how I cope. If that is the best I can do then I have come to accept it. It seems that, increasingly, toxic behavior is prized in U.S. society. I don't support it.

I have worked on developing empathy for others and have made some progress. I pray that others will do likewise with me.