Hi. I am a 25 years old guy from Poland experiencing psychological issues.

I experienced two depresive episodes at age 13 (2 months long) and 17 (8 months) that were accompanied by a drop in cognitive ability between age 13 and 17 and losing an ability to feel emotions. I know that similar changes occur in schizophrenia bur not depression It literally feels like losing one of the senses inside my head. I do have a phtsiological reaction to emotions but the ability to feel a complex flavor of emotions depending on the circumstances is completely gone. Everything literally feels the same. I may describe it in further details if you want to

About 4 years ago I got a tough infection by (probably) HMFD after irritating a mole and within about 3 days my anxiety levels went up to nearly indescribable levels, I became delusional about being terminally ill and I literally went through a shock that people diagnosed with terminal ilnesses go through. I felt so much fear that my hands were literally trembling from it and it lasted for good 3 months at the very least. It was literally horror. Physical symptoms of infection only added to it.

About two months in in early June (it had started in April) I noticed further cognitive changes likely brought up by anxiety - even more blanknes inside my mind, problems with attention and a weird feeling of cement inside my head. I was so pissed off by it that I continued to have anger outburst for almost three years afterwards, stopped studying completely and had to start cheating at uni, something that I'd never done before (I am a considered a smart extremely well red person). Additionally I became addicted to herculean doses of caffeine that I had never needed before

Now 4 years had passed and I still haven't recovered. I have problms even watching a documentary because of attention issues and a general feeling of head filled with water (metaphorically). Is it possible that I burned some of my brain matter via excitotoxicity and extreme catecholamite release?