I am so sorry that you are going through all of these tests and trials! You have frequently provided me hope when I have been at low points according to some of my previous threads and don't just believe, I KNOW that your presence is crucial both online and IRL. I have already seen the evidence that you are a powerful person and are capable of overcoming any obstacles in life.

I attended a university that had a melting pot of opinions and unique experiences, so this also included more people coming to light about abuse and assault. I also had to do a brief online course and quiz over recognizing abuse and sexual harrassment before applying to grad school, which was not required when I did undergrad at the same uni. Even with all the measures taken to ensure protection against sexual assault, there's often still a crowd where I live that says things like "she must have deserved it" or "what was she wearing", which just makes my skin crawl every time. This is definitely a form a victim blaming, which is disempowering to both abuse and assault. When I have learned more about sexual assault, my judgment was deemed valid and correct over reminder emails and on-campus seminars regarding assault when they conclude "assault is NEVER the fault of the victim". And even with two seemingly unlike scenarios, I know from tying my logic into your situation, further developed with knowledge about sexual assault, that NONE of the abuse is your fault. You have every right to express your desires, tastes, and needs to be respected as a human being, as is universal with all people.

I'll be thinking about you in the coming days!