Worrying myself silly over whether to do a new allotment group that is being run by the lady that does the gardening group i attend at the day centre. Slept very fitfully. On one hand i think i'll like doing it well enough but it's the thought of actually getting there that is putting me off and my mind is going into anxiety/paranoia overdrive with worst scenarios flashing through my head. It's the fear of getting lost that's really doing my head in. Not helped by the fact they seem quite blasé about the fact i am scared about getting lost and don't realise how much of a problem it is for me.For example a few months ago i took a wrong side turning because i was preoccupied on the way back from my doctor's surgery and ended getting myself well and truly lost.
It took me over 40 minutes of frantic toing and froing hither and thither in an increasingly agitated and hysterical state to find my bearings and then even it was more akin to if a blindman fires enough bullets he'll eventually score a bullseye.
It's even worse in unfamiliar places.
Also is it worth forking out 15 odd £ for a pair of boots needed to do the group(which i won't wear otherwise) if i can't cope with the anxiety of getting there in the first place?
Then on top of that i like Shirley and i know she'd like me to do it which is just adding to the whole thing of not knowing what to do for the best.

The whole thing is doing my head in.I hate situations like this. They make me feel very tense and not well.Too many things to think about and consider.

Fighting the urge to go on a booze binge.

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