Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
I myself have had the reaction where I freeze. I understand how uncomfortable that can be. It's just a human reaction when in a situation where you are stunned with not knowing how to react. Often, part of the reason is that the behavior you are encountering may be totally illogical or extreme due to that other person's state of mind. I think that's how your father could be with you in that he tended to exhibit extreme anger or negativity to some normal simple things you failed to do or say that he needed you to do or say.
I have experienced different individuals blowing up and even raging at me or at someone else in front of me where my reaction was to freeze. Actually, one of the questions I have asked my therapists is WHY do people react and say something to ME when it's my older sister that is RAGING and acting badly. I am slowly realizing that it's because she is behaving so badly and I am the calm one and they genuinely don't know WHAT to do with her behavior that is so out of wack and raging. Part of when that really hit me was when I encountered another person who was also deeply upset and disturbed by her behavior when it was directed at them. This other person actually felt some relief when I shared how YES it can be EXTREME and deeply disturbing. Honestly, when there is a presence that presents as very unstable that can suddenly blow up into a rage, people tend to want to just distance from it or they freeze. I have seen this happen quite a bit in that unfortunately I had to encounter this kind of presence on several occasions. It did not matter how many times I shared my experiences with it either. Often I got responses that CLEARLY showed me the other person did not GET IT. Yet, in order to REALLY understand what it's like a person has to actually see it for themselves. I have seen this individual in a rage and the entire room of individuals ALL FROZE and just stared. Then, the last thing ANY of these people wanted was to do anything that would once again create that very disturbing behavior to happen again. So with that, IF I am the one being RAGED at, then individuals actually want me to go away or get that AWFUL presence to go away somehow.
Actually? I tried very hard to explain how I could not even go and visit either dying parents because this VERY DISTURBED presence was constantly hovering around them. People kept saying to IGNORE it and JUST this or that when they just don't get how HORRIBLE it really is and how QUICKLY this presence can blow up into a horrible rage. I guess most people come to realize how you cannot reason with someone blown up in a rage. Most of the people around this individual either literally walked on eggshells or made attempts to avoid her completely.
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So, freezing up is a relatively normal response to someone having an explosive rage fit? I suppose I've never looked around to see other people's reactions during these situations.
In retrospect, yeah, I guess it is pretty common. It's kind of interesting, because I've seen how people react to someone with an explosive temper - passive, quiet, nervous, shaking a bit - and also how they recalled the situation after they were safely away from the angry person - loudly declaring that so-and-so was lucky they weren't at work or they would've kicked their ***. I probably should pay more attention to things like this.
And you're right that there isn't much you can do in these situations anyway (short of choking them out). Someone in that state of mind can't be reasoned with, and any attempt to do so is going to piss them off even more. You just have to let them burn themselves out. I also kind of understand the people who were upset by your sister. They wanted badly to reason with her, but couldn't, so they tried with you instead, hoping you'd be able to talk her down because you understood her better.
Or maybe talking someone down from a rage fit is a skill that can be learned.