My Support Forums - View Single Post - Anxious about confronting people and failure

eskielover · Jun 28, 2019, 04:30 PM

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Or maybe talking someone down from a rage fit is a skill that can be learned.

Don't think so.....usually when they are in a rage every part of their mind is shut down except for their emotional mind. Getting through to an emotional mind in the middle of rage is basically impossible. (Except maybe using a stun gun to zap them & knock them out & hopefully they will come to a little bit more rational

)

Growing up I would only respond to conflict with my parents but was too afraid of sounding stupid like I heard my dad sound way too often so I would never get involved in conversations where conflict existed.

The DBT helped me organize my thoughts & I have had time to read & learn so much more finally by my age so I can finally hold my own in discussions where conflicts come up. I was so busy just surviving my own life until I finally left it that I don't think my own mind was capable of dealing with conflict except to fight with my family.....I just avoided any other conflict situations.

It has been a growing process over the last 12 years that finally started at the age of 54. (It is never too late)

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I don't think I need to come out on top. In fact, I think I need to get more comfortable with the possibility of losing. I sometimes get so hung up on the idea that I might do or say something wrong, that I don't do anything.

I now feel that losing is fine as long as I am heard....I don't have to win.....but I also want have thought through my options either way. Like I said above, my silence wasn't about fear of losing it was just a fear of saying something I really didn't know & sounding stupid. I always held onto that statement of "if you don't say anything they don't know what you know or don't know" so mostly I just listened. Now I get involved.