When you see it coming, maybe learn to self direct? When I was growing up, we learned not to talk back to grownups. Sometimes I failed at this when it came to my mom but mostly, I learned to retreat to my room or go outside and channel my frustrations by riding my bike, climbing up the mountain in back of our house, etc.

In regards to our husbands, we can get into negative reinforcement loops. As in, what you said made him worse, which made you feel worse, etc. Lately, my H and I have turned it around, telling each other nice things which makes each other feel loved. Though we do have days were we get in bad moods. I have learned to tell my husband that he can't talk to me like that then say I am leaving (I retreat to another room)--I have trained him that he can't lecture me on and on to get his way or take his frustrations out on me for an extended period of time. Now he rarely does it! He has learned to listen to me some when I can't stop talking then rationally tell me that I am talking way to much saying, "You can talk every other street" (on our walks) "This is a quiet street" or grabbing my hand to remind me to take a break from talking. We did not learn this from therapy. We simply started being more loving to each other. We had gotten into some very bad habits. Though, of course, it is not this way every day.