Are your husband and you living under the same roof now? If so, I would be concerned for your physical safety. I'm glad you have an attorney. You might want to start keeping a journal. Specifically, log in any threats or bad behavior he displays. If he breaks anything, take a photo of the damage. He can't stop you from divorcing him, but he can try and make the terms of the divorce as unfavorable to you as possible. So a journal could help you in persuading a judge of the terms you want and need. Inform your attorney of any hostile behavior that he subjects you to. He's probably going to be very angry. Anticipating that may be why you hesitate to give him notice of your plan to divorce. If he behaves in a way that frightens you, know that calling the police is an option. I once decided to stop living with a female who was renting me a room in her apartment. She got hostile and started throwing my belongings down a staircase of the building we lived in. I called police, and they were very helpful and very supportive. They encouraged me to call them again to come and "stand by" when I would be going there later to get my stuff with the help of friends. Their availability to come and "stand by" when there is even just the potential for violence surprised me. It had just the right effect on my roommate.

The way you describe feeling is totally understandable. You didn't make this decision lightly. It sounds like you definitely need to get out of this marriage. Yes, it's like a death. But don't waste a lot of time shilly-shallying around. "Take the bull by the horns." You might want the kids out of the house when you first tell him. Do you have parents, or a sister, or friend they could stay with while you break the news? Don't argue with him. Don't tell him he's been a crappy husband. You're not going to convince him of anything he doesn't wish to believe. Don't try.

There will be some financial hardship, but you absolutely can survive . . . and so can the kids. I'm sorry for the pain you feel. There's no way for this to not be painful. Best to just get what you have to do over with. (Kind of like having a necessary surgery.) You're still relatively young. You can reconstruct your life and get a better handle on the depression. Don't waste time. Of course you have some good memories of happier times with this man. Don't let those recollections confuse you.