I guess the reason I feel shame is because I end up having meltdowns with people other than those really responsible.

I felt anger towards the abusers too, like you say they blame and resent you. I have worked on that using Pete Walkers book, CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving. The triggers still come though. My anger is lessened and I have no contact with family that are not supportive.

You are right, shame on them!

Sending respect and kind thoughts to you