I don’t know where to start except that I… honestly don’t want to live anymore. My mother’s almost completely out of money from paying the bills, so she wants me and my sister to pay $100/month. And that’s honestly scary to me because what if we suddenly run out of money? Then what?

And speaking of my mother, a while ago I told her about stressed our financial situation is making me feel, and she said that I’m stupid and that the whole point of living was to just pay bills and food (all while calling necessities like electricity and computers to pay said bills luxury items) and that life is just nothing but misery and apathy.

Thanks, Mom. You just made me feel worse.

I honestly don’t what to do to solve my problems. I could try to apply for jobs, but I don’t have a car, no jobs are applying, and with my autism and undiagnosed mentall illnesses, I probably won’t be able to get a job anyways.

I could set up a PayPal or a Ko-Fi or some sort, but I feel that might be too expensive for me.

I could try to sell my art, but honestly I don’t have the marketing or social skills to be able to do that because I was never taught any skills to begin with.

Honestly, the most rational idea I have right now is to end my own life, and I don’t even know if I have the courage to do that.

I don’t know. I’m just… I’m just so scared.