Hi EightBelles134. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are struggling sometimes with suicidal thoughts. Have you considered working with a support group or therapist?

Here are some resources on Psych Central that may be of interest

How I Cope with Suicidal Ideation

How Suicidal Thoughts Can Become a Coping Mechanism

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

Tips for coping with suicidal thoughts.