For me, I had to come up with some way to be able to act gracious because I have to see this family again. I can’t avoid it. My son has an upcoming wedding, and I’d rather be polite to my sister than smash her head into the wedding cake. The family was incapable of being nice and having empathy. That’s on them. But I have to show my face and deal with them.

Plus, even though it’s toxic, I do love my mother. Even when abused, children love their parents. Yes, she did a lot of good, which did outweigh the bad. So I chose to forgive and just be more careful.

For people who were held against their will and minor children who couldn’t get away from abusive parents — they had to suffer until they could get far, far away.

Sometimes, you are still abused inside your own mind and never really get free.

Sometimes, people who were abused also did bring it on themselves by playing into it, not getting away from it, setting themselves up. I’m not shaming or blaming, but it happens. Maybe some of us are masochists.

No, you don’t have to forgive. If you can feel forgiveness then great for you. It feels good to finally let that anger and rage go. I agree, some abuse is unforgivable. There’s a special place in hell for some abusers. Let’s hope they get theirs by some higher power.