--> Can abuse be prevented? How, and by whom?

Knowledge is power. For instance, I never thought that being told I should feel a certain way is not quite right. As a child, I was told that not only should we act a certain way but true goodness means you think a certain way (I don't believe this anymore--I think our actions and intentions matter not our thoughts and feelings as in feelings are not wrong they just are.) This upbringing made me easy to guilt. So if my husband told me I don't love him (and we were in the middle of a fight--of course I wasn't feeling loving then) I would feel guilty and his accussations about not "feeling" a certain way about him would shut me up. Thanks to things I have read here--these accussations wouldn't phase me anymore.

Self knowledge is power. Sometimes we project things onto others unfairly because of unawareness. The better we understand ourselves (and the more honest we are about who we are), the less likely we are to treat someone unfairly because of things we project.

--> What power, if any, does the victim have in the relationship?
Say something, leave or get help. Obviously, in some situations (an extreme example would be slavery) the victim doesn't have any good options.

--> What do you think are some myths about abusive relationships that are damaging?
The damage varies immensely depending on how well the victim copes/ recognizes what is happening/ their support system -- a con man can con some of us but would have to be pretty skillful to con everyone. Also, there can be situations where both parties are abusing each other--it isn't always a one-sided thing. Also, some people put up with abuse in exchange for other things like $$$. When they become fully aware then is it the abusers fault that they made a deal with the devil? Partially their fault? Do they slowly become as bad as the abuser as long as they put up with the "bargain"? I don't know--something I do think about sometimes.....

Oops the above didn't answer the question. The myth is that it is obvious whether or not you have been abused and that all abusers are bad people.

--> Why do you believe someone would become abusive? Can we lead them to change? If so, how?
Insecurity, anger, they know of nothing else--could love change them? I wonder?

--> How does one recover from an abusive relationship? Time, restful environment, knowledge, and love.

--> On a broader, societal level, what do you think of the perception of the abuser/victim dichotomy? How do you think abusers are perceived? How do you think victims are perceived? Is it accurate? Does that matter?

Our society portrays these things in a way too black and white matter. Relationships are complicated, nuanced and hard to describe. Some novels come close but nothing real captures the true essence of some deep relationships....