Welcome to Psych Central, cucunots. And thank you for sharing your concerns here on PC.

I'm sorry you are faced with such a difficult dilemma. You didn't mention if you are seeing a counselor or therapist. Based on what you wrote it sounds as though money to pay for these kinds of services may not be available. But perhaps there might be no-cost or income-adjusted mental health services available where you live?

One of the things that happens, when a person contemplates suicide is that their range of focus gradually narrows to the point where suicide seems to be the only option. But there are always alternatives. And one way, perhaps the best way, to figure out what they are is to talk through the circumstances you are faced with at-length & in-depth.

You mentioned trying to sell your art. So I presume you're an artist. Here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, written by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. on what Vincent Van Gogh's life can teach us:

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

I hope you find being here on PC to be of benefit.