After 6 hospital stays in 4 years. Countless med changes. ECT. And now ketamine. I feel like I have been through the wringer. Before I used to be an overachiever and a perfectionist. I was intelligent. Shy and introverted. However now I feel like my personality and stuff has changed. I am more assertive which could be good or bad. But I feel below average in other areas and my work is suffering for it. Also I used to be really good at math and logic type puzzle but now I can’t even look at them. On the other hand I used to be terrible at word type puzzles and now I am good at them. I just feel like a different person and I am not sure I like it. Or maybe I am just having a midlife crisis since I just turned 40 last year. I just wish I had a time machine and go back to how things were before my breakdown.