I think everyone would like to turn back time. Yes Bipolar changes us. But for me I wasn’t diagnosed until age 43 but we have been able to trace the beginnings back to age 6 !

I thought back then that everyone has a racing mind and then low points, I was treated off and on for depression. Looking back all those meds did was make me hypo/ Manic ... I’m talking for once over a year , I was working 3 Jobs for over a year with no day off at all. I bought a house on my own , let my 6 year old daughter pick up what color car she liked.

Maybe had I had the internet at my fingertips I would have realize that in fact I was not the “ norm” and gotten help sooner.

My life certainly has changed, I am now on disability, between BP and severe chronic pain I simply can’t work anymore. Some days I feel like I have lost a ton of IQ points but then maybe the next day my mind is crystal clear.

I actively avoid comparing myself to neural typicals or my younger self when nothing really slowed me down. I could easily walk myself into a corner which will only make my self worth and esteem tank to the lowest rung.

Although I’m really in a horrible way due to ptsd. I still have that little voice telling me I won’t always feel this way.

You have been under enormous stress for months and months so try and go easy on yourself.