This is exactly what I meant.

It took me a while to realise and accept/admit that I'm not in the right state of mind to be employed and that's why I'm always rejected. I used to blame the employers somehow, but now I know it's me. I need to sort myself out, and I have been doing that for the last 3 years or so. It's not something that happens overnight, I can't just flick a switch and be "normal" or whatever they want.

I've done a lot of emotional work, "soulsearching" to find out what is going on, taking apart problems, emotions, thoughts and beliefs, getting to the bottom of things. I've already "fixed" some things but there is still so much more to do. I really really wish I had started this sooner (in my early-mid 20's maybe) and then there would be less to work on, and I'd be better now.

The jobcentre constantly sends me to these pointless "courses" which don't help in any way, but they make me feel worse. I would like to be left alone for a few weeks, really get to the root of my problems, and do whatever I can. But no, not allowed to do that, I have struggle on with all this nonsense which is keeping me in the state I am, if not making me worse. It's really frustrating.