I can relate. I feel sometimes like a completely different person. I used to be confident and I trusted myself. Now I second guess myself constantly. My brain is foggier as well. I relied on it for work and like you I was a perfectionist. Now the notion of doing the same work haunts me. What if I dive in and stress myself out and have another episode? I cannot afford to lose my mind again like last time. I think about it every day. I'm still punishing myself to a degree. I wish this crazy train would stop. It feels like something within me was unleashed and I just want to put it back in the cage. It feels like a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. Some days are easier than others, but the reminders of what I did when I was manic surround me. Giving myself time to adjust and forgiving myself are important activities I need to stay focused on. I am hoping I can let go of who I was and evolve into someone new who can be great even after all I've suffered. I believe there is a reason for everything. I've learned a lot about humility and grace. All I can do is take it one day at a time and trust I'll find my way again.

Blessings and peace to you. Your journey has been a long and difficult one and I hope things turn around for you soon.