I wanted to, but I felt glued to my seat. I was feeling really depressed and I think that caused my inertia. I remember staring in front of me at the door and trying to will myself to stand up. If I had left, I guess it would have been storming out, sort of. I mean, I wouldn't have been loud about it, yelled at the therapist, or slammed the door or anything.

As for why, I felt she was being rather unkind and that wasn't something I needed. I was having a lot of trouble getting started because I felt so depressed. She asked me why I had come if I wasn't going to talk. This was maybe 5 minutes into the session. I don't remember what I had said so far, but it was very little and I had just become silent. Maybe that's what some people call "misattunement." I call it being an asshole. I didn't reply to that question. It pissed me off. I was trying to make an effort by coming to my session even though I wanted to wallow in bed. Also, I didn't want to have to pay more than my copay - and if I just cancelled because I didn't feel like coming, it seems reasonable that she would charge the cancellation fee. I don't really have any money to spare. I can barely afford the copays.

Anyway, that question sent me even further into silence. I wanted to get up and tell her she was right, I shouldn't have come. I know that's not what she actually said, but I was so depressed that I didn't have the energy to confront her about how she was coming across as impatient and irritable at me for not feeling great that day. So, in my depression, my fantasy was of making snide, passive aggressive comments as I left.

Then she compounded her error by asking me if C could be there instead of me since I didn't want to talk. This hurt my feelings and was also a stupid thing to ask. She would never ask the same of C. And I also feel, looking back, that she should have been more interested in what was going on with me that I was so unlike my self. Or maybe interested isn't the right word, since I guess she did want me to talk. It just felt like she was really quick to give up. I wasn't trying to be difficult. I just felt really bad. And she didn't seem to care. I don't mean care in a personal way - I don't expect that - but she didn't even care as the therapist that day.

So yeah, I wanted to leave.