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Originally Posted by tecomsin
I am going through a journey on forgiveness for my dying father. I have choices to make. I think recovery is about choices, and having the freedom to make healthy choices vs. destructive ones. An abuser attempts to take away choices and make the victim feel helpless and unable to leave, praying on their weak boundaries and emotional instabilities.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tecomsin
My abusive father is presently dying from pancreatic cancer and this has brought up a lot of questions for me and sadness too. I am crying a lot. I also told him today that I loved him and he said he loved me too. I think for me forgiveness is a process. It is not black or white.
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I agree on all counts. Recovery, and even simply having a healthy relationship, requires that one has the freedom to make healthy choices. And yes, forgiveness is a process, usually a long and winding journey with various obstacles, and it can't be forced or rushed.
I'm sorry to hear that your parents put you through that, and I hope you can find some sort of peace.
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I personally mentioned responsibility of victims because I have met people and come across people etc who find victimhood beneficial to them in many ways so they choose to remain a victim due to those benefits. I know it’s unpopular opinion but I stand by it. Some people are literally “professional life long victims”.
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Yes, I knew of a woman who stayed in an abusive relationship because he was rich and he bought her a lot of very expensive things. A lot of people tried help her, and she at least seemed to understand the risks she was taking, but she stayed with him regardless. He was like 30 years her senior, so I think she figured he would've died soon enough anyway. She wasn't wrong.
To be clear, I don't blame this woman for the abuse she endured. She could not have been responsible for actions committed against her. That's impossible.