I keep thinking about this that you said in the first post:
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[*] She had a sudden personality change in November 2007, after which she has almost completely cut herself off from everyone, including me and our two kids. She tells me that she doesn't know if she's in love with me anymore.
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What happened in November? Is ther anything you can think of that triggered this? If you can try and remember what made her "snap" maybe that can help you, and the therapist, fix it. I don't know.
Also, with the recent suicide, the lack of sleep, the sex stuff....maybe I've just been reading too much lately, but it makes me think of either Bipolar or Borderline, not just Depression. The impulsive risky behavior (sex) is one huge thing, as well as the lack of sleep. Just be careful, because if she is Bipolar - antidepressant meds can make her worse instead of better.
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Sec...&lstid=325
http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Sec...ontentID=44780
Even so - these mental illnesses do NOT justify cheating. Yes, they make you impulsive and cause you to take risks you may not otherwise take. But think of it this way...if we were talking about murder instead of infidelity, she would not be eligible for an insanity defense. She knows what she's doing is wrong yet she still does it. And no, not every person with Bipolar goes out and cheats on thier spouse. It does not excuse it. She needs to know that.
And as far as the internet usage - she's addicted. Just like any addiction - alcohol, crack, tobacco - you can't just cut her off cold turkey, or she will freak out!! Get some software to restrict her use, and maybe start limiting her to 5 hours a day or 3 hours a day, and then gradually down to just enough time to check an email and the weather and that's it. But if you throw the computer out the window....she will just be like a crack addict trying to get her 'fix'. Not pretty!!
I hope things work out for you somehow. Sorry.