Thanks for your reply and support.

My husband was sad and angry. I think he ran to his family for support. I was probably not the person who could help him feel better.
But after a while, I realized I was focusing on getting him into this situation with me, and forgot about focusing on healing myself.
I managed to tell him a few things that hurt me, like the fact he left the doctor’s office when he heard the news, and starting texting his family whiling I was trying to talk to him. But he was really angry that I dared say that, as he was suffering too. I never dared telling him that I was angry he was not there for the delivery because I soon as I closed my eyes he ran out of the hospital. I know he feels guilty for it but will never admit he did wrong. After the delivery, I had to stay at the hospital for the night. The doctors proposed him to sleep there not to leave me alone. And I told him « no need » you can go back home as your sister will bring the dog back.
The day after, he told me his sister came but without the dog and they just spent the evening chatting together. When I told him I would have expected him to insist on staying, he got mad. Saying it was my fault, and it was a lesson for me to say things clearly instead of waiting for him to do it by his own. Telling him things always resulted in an argument where I am the one that has problems.
I am so tired of that. I just don’t want to speak anymore. The couple therapy solved things last time, but still, he considered that was the problem. My appointments used to last longer that 1 hour when he would finish before.

Yesterday we had an argument because I told him it has been 2,5 years that I volunteer every 2 weeks to give Arabic lessons to children and that he always refused to come with me, neither at special events not to see one lesson. And I told him his only problem was that he didn’t want to see so much Arabic people. He didn’t even argue like usual, and just said « do as you want if you want ruin your Sunday ». He also avoids going at the Turkish butcher. It seems stupid, but it’s only now that I wonder, what am I doing here ? Am i just a surrogate mother for him ? Is he also lying to himself trying to forget my origins and my culture ?

I must also say that since a few years my doctors are putting pressure on me to have a child because I have 2 fibromas. It never made me rush for a pregnancy, but now I am afraid if I don’t speed up I might never have Children.

Yes a good solution would be to take back the pill, and wait to heal. But it’s like I know the end of it all. I will end up leaving him and will have no children, and would only have lost years and tears for nothing.