Likability is something I've been thinking about lately. My father made a lot of effort to be popular and the life of the party. He was successful with it. For him, it seemed like a job. It was very intentional and he put a lot of effort into it. From where I was sitting, however, he seemed to dislike almost everyone he came in contact with. He never had a good word to say about anyone in private, no matter how flattering he was in public. Because I grew up watching that, I feel like there's fraud involved in being popular. Rationally, this is probably not true, but it's an emotional or instinctual belief that's hard to shake.

TunedOut, you make a good point about it being easier if we are comfortable but also not the best. That makes a person much more approachable. And Mickey, the 'good vibes' seem key also, but I can't figure out why some people seem to have them and others don't. Like my father and this acquaintance I'm thinking of are both big on flattery. Effusive and over the top in my opinion, but again, that is probably because I'm jaded and cynical. The person who didn't get invited told me that he had complimented someone and the person just glared at him. I can think of another person who seems to give off negative vibes because no one wants to hear him compliment their performance either, even though he's quite accomplished.
These are all performers so that's why there are compliments involved.

So what's the difference? How come some compliments are well received and others aren't? The two 'popular' people accompany their compliments with pats on the back or hugs. The two unpopular people I'm thinking of give more serious compliments. Not that the are saying anything complicated, but their delivery is somewhat grave (which goes to TunedOut's point about the importance of a friendly affect). Actually, I had someone I didn't know well give me a serious compliment once and it weirded me out, so maybe the over the top compliments are just easier to handle. Maybe those compliments are more like 'how are you,' just something you say in the course of a day.