I understand it must be really hard. I can relate to the ‘mask’ thing. I never (extremely rare atleast) show my feelings on the outside. I pretend. I don’t want to burden anyone with my illness- it is enough that I have this burden myself.

When I am down, everything seems pointless- I can’t seem to get a grip on this «new and better future», it just seem to never happen. And it repeats itself over and over- and everytime I get even more down. Hibernation. I’ve spend almost six months like that, asking myself the same questions.

But one day the chemicals in the brain change, the sad thing are we don’t see it until we are there.
If you can’t hang on by yourself, ask for adjustment in medication or something? I find it hard to tell people I’m struggling- so every time I am in danger I tell my doc I need to have some medication. I am in need of a vacation from my own brain, it’s killing me. I think he knows what I’m hiding behind the mask. He helps me cope.

I don’t know you, and I have been in hibernation for a long time. But I think I have said it before: I really like you and your point of views. I sooo wish for you to experience joy and better days. I am certain you are a smart and awesome person. Try to let someone get a peek behind the mask, just enough for them to help you.

Hang on please, ask for help please. Having just spent months in that state it really feels heartbreaking reading you are stuck in that place. Darn this illness and the spells it puts on our minds.

Please stay safe. Please reach out to someone if you are low on strength. Even strong people gets tired after fighting for a long time.