Hi all, this is my first post in a while here. I am curious on your thoughts on this. Basically, do you NEED to attach to your therapist for therapy to be truly effective? Can attachment be avoided in long term therapy?

With my long term T, you all know how that went, basically became more like friends than anything, I trusted him and loved him so much. It helped me loads with many things but in the end, it just tore my heart out and really caused me to struggle with so many things I believed before. I can't put myself through that again.

With baby T, I knew I'd never attach. He's too cocky and he never did any sort of out of session contact, he rarely seemed to be serious either.

With t3, he's married with kids, to me that's an instant mental NOPE to me... and he is very meh with contact, granted I don't need to anymore because I'm finally covered to see him. However this also means more regular (weekly at least for a while) therapy. I have no intention of seeing him beyond October other than a video session or two around the 1 year of losing T. I do plan to go back in 2020 for a few months though. He's kind of a jerk, honestly I love that, because it not only gets me to actually express my anger but it keeps me feeling distant.

The last two sessions have been hella awkward for me and so he's been different. He's shared about similar phobias we had and been suggesting games for my game nights and joking around. That's all great and all and honestly it helps me build trust to see that side of him. To feel more relaxed.... BUT I worry in time, I could actually attach to him. Not as intensely as with T of course but enough to scare the hell outta me and to stop going. I am very guarded now and very aware of every little change in him. Making sure I respond properly etc.

I am still thankfully at a place where I don't care about him and he pisses me off at least once a week. So that helps but the fear of "history repeating itself" is still there.

The thing is, I've stuck with him, jerk side and all, even with having to pay out of pocket for most everything so far.... because this is the first therapist who actually CHALLENGES me....constantly. He calls me out on all my avoidance behaviors. He asks me things that really make me think, he isn't "sweet and chummy" about everything, he will say some harsh **** sometime and he's the only one who I cry EVERY session with and I show anger to often.. All of this is super helpful for me. I actually believe he could be the best therapist I've ever had, as far as progress goes... if I can stick with him.

Is it possible to do more "long term" weekly therapy and never attach but still make tons of progress? So far I've only had 7 sessions with him. I'm really scared about it happening so my defenses are rising.

I forgot to add that he said he knows I don't want to bond but I want to trust so he's trying to find a balance and that attachment isn't always bad sometimes it can be awesome. That really scared me