Day one of my pdoc guided treatment to bring down my anxiety and stay out of hospital. Last night was bad. Nothing I took (Seroquel or Lorazepam) calmed me down but I did manage to fall asleep eventually. This morning I woke feeling exhausted beyond words (as I have the last week), but I could not sleep in. I had to do stuff as I was restless. The anxiety was ok but it has grown since (it is now 11.30am). I took 50 mg of Seroquel nearly two hours ago. It has helped stop the spiralling feeling.

It is raining so I am taking the opportunity to put no pressure on myself to do anything. This down day should help. I intend to stay drugged up and float around my flat. Earlier today I was going to tell my pdoc I wasn't coping and thus not safe and needing IP. Now I feel it may be possible to avoid that. Hospital traumatised me and I now have even more severe PTSD. Going back there would be triggering. If I get worse I am in a bind as I want to live so will need that extra protection but in doing so I could make myself worse. This makes me feel trapped right now. So I try to hold on to my sanity. I am so confused.