I don't really think it's your mother's job to validate your feelings and avoid triggering you by not asking a basic question such as the one described.

I'm not saying your mom is a good mother or anything. I have no idea. Just doesn't make sense to me to expect other people to manage one's feelings. It also sounds like you want your mother to validate your experience and feelings, but you aren't willing to offer her the same in return. Maybe communication should be kept to family therapy until you've both done more work there.