I have been in a relationship for 13 years. We are engaged, and until recently, I thought unbreakabale as a couple no matter what happened. However, he is now saying he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore, and I am, after getting over the initial shock, wondering the same.

I love him and he says he still loves me, but we have both made terrible mistakes in the relationship, and i'm trying to figure out if they are too big to overcome, or if I am overreacting.

My biggest mistake was slapping him. I grew up in an abusive household and did not realize that I had begun mimicking many of the negative examples I was taught from childhood until it was too late. My immediate reaction was horror, apology, and beginning anger-management counseling. I feel that after 13 years where I have NEVER done anything even close to this, he should be willing to show me some compassion and forgiveness. He knew my past, and I had even told him on several occasions to please TELL me if I start behaving negatively, which he did not. I would and have forgiven him many things over the years and feel that I deserve the same since I am taking responsibility for my actions.

His biggest mistake is an emotional affair. As I began to notice more and more a distance between us, I discovered that he was spending TONS of time on the phone with a female co-worker. I'm talking 20 calls a day. He has also accompanied her on short trips, introduced her to all of his friends, and brought her into his photographic circle. He has also lied repeatedly to my face about these things. I do not believe he is having a physical relationship with her, but he is and has been sharing his life and emotions with her in a way that is totally exclusionary to me, disrespectful of our relationship and extremely hurtfull. When confronted about it he will only say that they are just friends and that the reason he lied is cause he didn't want to deal with me getting upset cause i'm too jelous of everything.

In terms of us, he says he needs space to decide if he can forgive me or whether he just wants to be alone. While he is taking this "space" he is continuing on with his "friendship," not talking to me hardly, and will only respond to questions about how his actions affect my feelings with "I can't think about that right now."

What i'm trying to figure out is whether my actions warrant this kind of treatment and I should just give him the time and space and see what happens, or whether my growing anger and resentment over his behavior is justified, and I should just end things now?