My husband and I had a few joint sessions with our therapist. It wasn't exactly marriage counseling so much as our coming together to discuss common issues that had come up in our individual therapy. (We had the same individual therapist.)

The focus for us was on mutual communication. We were both prone to "protecting" each other and trying to keep the other person happy, which really was an exercise in hiding our realities from each other and ignoring our individual needs. Our individual intentions were good, but it was a faulty way of communicating and living in authenticity with each other.

We found looking at this together was eye-opening and broke down the walls we had built up in our misguided efforts to help each other. It really didn't take many sessions, and they weren't particularly regular sessions, but they were extremely beneficial.

It worked for us because we BOTH were committed to the work. I don't know how marriage counseling can be effective if one of the two really doesn't want to be there or take ownership in their half of the relationship. It worked for us because the sessions were not about either of us as individuals, but rather, they were sessions about us as a couple. I don't think it works well if one person wants the sessions to be about blaming the other for the marital problems; you are in this together. It worked because our therapist knew us well and we could cut to the chase quickly rather than having to spend sessions and sessions hashing through history; our therapist knew the history.

My husband and I both completed our individual therapy, and our marriage has become one of honesty and communication with a sense of real safety and authentic relationship. It's a shame that it took us nearly 25 years of marriage to get there, but we went into our marriage with 25 years of our own complicated personal histories that we each had to wade through in therapy before we got to this point.