The Skeezyks recalls replying to your introductory post. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I'm certain there are a lot of members, here on PC, who will be able to relate to what you are experiencing. In your introductory post, you mentioned you were referred to PC to help with your depression. Hopefully that means you're working with some type of mental health professional. Having the opportunity to talk through what is going on with you is one important part of the healing process it seems to me. There are also other things you can do just on your own though. Here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, that offer suggestions:

Alternative Treatments for Depression

Holistic Treatments For Depression | M(ill)ennial: A Perspective on Mental Illness

10 Drug-Free Alternative Treatments for Depression

9 Steps to Treat Depression Naturally