Hello everyone! This is my first post on this forum, hope it goes well.

So growing up, ive always had severe issues with self-esteem, trust, and ive also always felt like there was something inherently wrong with me. And i recently decided to explore my past to figure out why ive had these issues for as long as i can remember. Then vague memories of my older brother touching me as a child(k-3rd grade) came to mind. Everytime they would come to mind in the past I would just suppress them and try to distract myself because of the overwhelming sense of shame and guilt i would feel each time.

So as a child my older brother ( who was a teen at the time) used to take me into the basement and hold me against him inappropriately. He would treat me like i was special so I would let him do more. Evetually he would make me lay down on top of him in bed and just stay there for a long time. Then eventually he would lift up both our shirts so i would be laying on top of him bare chested. Then one time he lifted up both our shirts and pulled down our pants so I would be completely naked and our genetilia were making contact. But I was just a child and I didnt know what was going on so its not my fault!! I still live with him as well but he thinks i forgot. I didnt.

Does what he did to me count as child sexual abuse? I now notice that most of the mental health issues ive had growing up and still have (poor self esteem, self harm, depression) are normal of abuse victims. And how can I move on from this painful memory?? im now 17 but everytime the memory comes to mind i want to rip my skin off. Any help is appreciated!!!