putting pharmacologic agents in my brain to mess with my receptors on my own is dangerous business. the moment i choose to use illicit drugs is the moment I become a slave to something illegal rather than legal big pharma stuff. i'm on dextroamphetamine and clonazepam and just keep tossing them down the well. both prescribed by same provider. these drugs just give a window of time to make decisions. than it's back to bed-insomnia status. the only measurable thing i can identify wrong with my central nervous system is my circadian rhythm. i wake up at 5-8am everyday. it doesnt matter if i get 3 hours than 4 hours or 5 hours than 2 or 6 hours or 8 hours. i feel tired either way. i invested a bunch of time studying chemistry and now the knowledge is useless. what is this reality im living in. how did it wind up like this.