Thanks, Xynesthesia. Your post provides a good example, I think, of what being in and observing from a relatively solid sense of self is like.

Those of us without that need something like that, IMO, in order to develop our own. It doesn't just develop out of nowhere -- common sense plus lots of developmental psychology, if you accept any of that, supports that idea. I expect I (unconsciously) looked to therapists for that, and their talking and writing about themselves and the importance of "the relationship" implied to me - or I hoped and wanted to believe -- that they could help with that. I couldn't see that they didn't have it themselves, because I didn't have it.

To me, It's a very dangerous and destructive situation. Is it unethical? I think it is unethical for the profession not to recognize the issue. I expect that individual therapists may not be able to, as yours was not.

Would it help to complain to a board? I'm not sure, seems unlikely.

Perhaps the best hope is to find a way to influence the licensing boards, through non-mental health members, if one's state has them.