I JUST remembered what it was. It was many years ago. I'd been on the phone with my mother and told her not to visit (there was a reason, but I can't remember). About a week later, she called saying she'd bought her airline ticket(!!!!!) The hook of course being that she'd "already spent the money".

I have to admit, though I was furious, she visited. Now that I know more about boundaries and the personality types that ignore them, I would NOT have let her in. To make a point if nothing else. Point being that I will not tolerate being disrespected like that. It was thousands of miles, so it would have been a big point. They do not understand anything more subtle.

That was before I finally cut ties with her. There was no other way to keep her toxic BS out of my life.

Personally, I'd do whatever it took to keep her out. You don't want to reward her with even 5 minutes. Your husband is right, it is a reward for bad behavior to let them carry on against your will.

Sending you the best of luck. Keep us posted. Hugs to you and your husband. This is not an easy situation, and the last thing someone in a medical situation needs(!)