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Old Jul 05, 2019, 10:29 AM
Xynesthesia2 Xynesthesia2 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 540
Quote:
Originally Posted by here today View Post


Thanks, Xynesthesia. Your post provides a good example, I think, of what being in and observing from a relatively solid sense of self is like.

Those of us without that need something like that, IMO, in order to develop our own. It doesn't just develop out of nowhere -- common sense plus lots of developmental psychology, if you accept any of that, supports that idea. I expect I (unconsciously) looked to therapists for that, and their talking and writing about themselves and the importance of "the relationship" implied to me - or I hoped and wanted to believe -- that they could help with that. I couldn't see that they didn't have it themselves, because I didn't have it.

To me, It's a very dangerous and destructive situation. Is it unethical? I think it is unethical for the profession not to recognize the issue. I expect that individual therapists may not be able to, as yours was not.

Would it help to complain to a board? I'm not sure, seems unlikely.

Perhaps the best hope is to find a way to influence the licensing boards, through non-mental health members, if one's state has them.
Yeah maybe it helps some to influence the boards to regulate therapists better and to force them to operate in a more realistic way. The biggest issue though is that most of what happens in therapy is done privately and any evidence for misconduct remains very limited unless something is really extreme and has more physical/practical manifestations. I think those are usually the cases where complaints actually go somewhere, the more abundant subtle mind games and emotional manipulations remain largely undetected.

The whole enterprise is funded upon some claims that are quite unrealistic, such as the amazing healing power of the the super special and safe relationship with a quazi stranger. I think what would be helpful is to somehow make therapists not to emphasize such claims. In healthy, positive, truly secure relationships people don't usually keep talking about that but it naturally and effortlessly develops and remain present. I think some people experience that in their therapy (there are also such reports here on PC) but, often enough, it becomes more a one-sided obsession/addiction and creates more pain than it heals. Many Ts also greatly discourage clients from sharing their experiences, frustrations etc outside of the therapy, which is very unhealthy IMO. Relying only on one source, especially when it is pretty messed up... how can that be constructive? Many Ts sell exaggerated claims and premises that just do not exist. Including that a sense of self that has not developed naturally will magically emerge in therapy. At the very least, one's sense of self develops via an interaction with the external world and via experience, not in a closed room once a week for an hour in a mystified dialog with one person. If Ts wanted to help a client to develop that, IMO they should encourage the opposite of relying on them mostly and keeping their interactions in secret. My T, for example, often says in his media that a big problem with early life is often that the child does not have a voice and their needs and frustrations are not heard and appreciated. But then he deletes every single even slightly critical reviews and comments! I think listening to those and adjusting behavior consciously, to serve their roles better, would actually help Ts develop a better sense of self. But many of them refuse that very process and choose to live and work in a very delusional way. For a good way, I could not believe how delusional my first T was - it was actually seeing his online maneuvers a lot that helped me realize he really is blind to himself and reality. And cannot tolerate any attempt to break down the delusions, he would just call such attempts the client's transference or delusion. I am really not sure how the licensing board could regulate that, unfortunately they are not there when most of the *** happens. They can make ethical codes and professional rules but they won't help much if the misconduct occurs in privacy and if they are so biased to believe the provider rather than the client when complaints are indeed made.

I am actually pretty convinced that often Ts do not engage in written communication (email, text) with clients to protect themselves and prevent generating evidence. Just go to session and settle it there, in full secrecy!
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Thanks for this!
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