@susannahsays: I am somewhat similar, except I related or associate my desires/drive/interest to be similar to tribal rituals or rituals of passage. I know our culture does not have any such sanctioned activities, many other cultures do and have throughout time. There's something about pushing oneself to limits in here. I also find it quite centering. It's a very internal experience for me.


As far as talking about sex or kink things - generally, I don't have a problem talking about these things if I am in a group of people with similar interests or friends. With T, there's so much maternal transference going on, that all these things seem too adult to talk with her about. We do talk about some stuff and I journal about much more. I do feel that when we talk about it very much, she starts to treat me as if I'm older than I feel at times and that she is not as able to flow (keep up) with those changes inside me.

I saw a therapist for a couple of times as a consult around these topics. This T is in the local kink community and has been for more than 20 yrs. Mostly, I was trying to find out if I can/could/should use the kink world as a way to more actively explore some of the age related things coming up for me in therapy. In the end, I have yet to find a place within the kink world that feels like it is what I need to explore the age related stuff.