I can relate to much of what your´re writing. With my former T I felt both like a child getting support but through getting hugs and compliments from my therapist I also got sexual thoughts about her. She was about twelve years older than me.
As you mention I have felt attraction to both this former T specifically but also towards counsellors I´ve talked to more briefly. My former T sometimes wore low cut shirts and happened to lean forward and I saw "too much" of her breasts which was part of making me think of her sexually.
I though not imagine me having sex with her or other counsellors, I instead think of if they have a partner (if they haven´t told me already), if they have sex with him (her) or with themselves. I also get thoughts like "do she and her husband have any sex life as they live in a rather small flat together with adult children?" and similar.
I could perhaps tell a future T about this but before I told her anything I would ask her if she´s comfortable in talking about erotic transference that also includes the therapist herself and not only past therapists.
Do you experience those feelings every time you see your therapist?
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Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart
I'm currently seeing the 4th therapist that I've done proper work with (i.e not just a session or two) but this is the first one I've ever developed erotic feelings for. It is very disconcerting to say the least. I'm a heterosexual female and my T is only about 9 years older than me. I've never shown any gay tendencies (although I don't have any problem with any sexuality as long as it harms no one).
I think it started when she offered a hug (this was ethical and in context with something I'd discussed in session). A previous T had hugged me, but it had never turned into sexual thoughts. Mind you, she was considerably older than me. The strange thing is, I still have childlike feelings towards current T, just as I did for the previous T. The difference is that she hugged me and it was like you say, as if a switch went on, and I started to think about her erotically.
From that point on my erotic feelings aren't about the hug per se, but her looks and the way she is. I have started thinking how beautiful she is (and she is attractive) and how lovely she looks in what she wears. I have even started wondering about her sex life, which horrifies me a bit. Even worse, those thoughts have drifted at times to imaging myself having sex with her!!! I hate myself for having such thoughts. Most of all though, it's about her as a person, I think she is incredibly attractive with an amazing figure and just a really lovely person.
I still see her in childlike ways, so my feelings get kind of confused. Like someone else said, I think emotional connection can get sexualised. Also, I think it may be a longing to merge with T due to the intimate nature of what is shared there and of course that becomes identified with sex.
I'm so glad this can be talked about! Has anyone actually told their T that they experience these kind of feelings? I don't think I could.
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