I want to stop..but I can't...and it makes me mad. I can see the person I want to be but I can't get there..it's like that person is locked deep down inside of me and isn't able to get out. I'm tired of being angry, depressed, anxious, distant, and feeling guilty. I'm tired of my past controlling me I'm tired of this person that isn't really me controlling me. It's like all my hopes..all my dreams are never going to come true because of me..because I can't stand up to myself...all because I keep avoiding all of my memories and all of my pain. I just felt like ranting..I just felt like rambling..I have to go..I have to finish cleaning..