Having just looked over your other threads, I see that you are in a way worse situation than I had even begun to appreciate. I'm very sorry for you. You sound like a decent young woman who would be a wonderful mate to a decent young man. But that's not what you are giving yourself an opportunity to get.

Because you are warm and loving, you can find and value some humanity in even the worst of men. And that's pretty much what your boyfriend represents. A loving heart can take some satisfaction in practicing the art of love, even towards a partner who doesn't deserve it. Many of us are totally capable of falling in love with someone who does not requite our love and has zero capability of building a satisfying relationship with us. (I hold up my hand for that one.) We can even derive a modicum of satisfaction in being with such a person, as you are indeed doing. This relationship has value to you, so you are holding on to it. In your mind, It's better than the alternative of going back to being alone.

You are not going to dump this guy on account of what the posters to this thread tell you. A thousand of us can come on here and sing out, in chorus, for you to unload this jerk who is using you . . . and what we say won't matter. So I'm not going to tell you to break up with him. I absolutely know in my soul that you will continue being unhappy, while you stay with him. He's not going to change. He's a person incapable of offering you what you need from a partner. (The reasons for why he is that way may not even be his fault, but that doesn't matter. The guy is bad news. End of story.) You, however, can not make a decision based on what I know. I can't promise you that, if you leave him, a better man will come along to love you, and you will be happy.

I'm not going to ask you to stop loving this guy. I am going to ask you to stop believing a bunch of B.S. just because it's what you want to believe. You are allowing yourself to be deceived because you want to take refuge in a fantasy. So he told you that he is "totally opposed to cheating," and you assumed that means he is totally opposed to cheating. What guy is going to come along and admit, "I like to engage in a bit of cheating here and there." I used to work in a jail. Most of the inmates were "totally opposed" to crime. Most thieves are "totally opposed" to stealing. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Get your head up out of the sand. You long ago made a choice that you would let others feed you their version of what constitutes the truth. You relinquished your right and responsibility to figure out for yourself what is true. You decided it causes you to much anxiety to do that. (Like when his mother offered you some valuable insight into his character. She upset you by disturbing your fantasy.) You don't want to be upset. You think being in love means believing what the guy you love tell you. This is cowardly and a phoney way to live. You are not an unintelligent young woman. You are capable of figuring things out. Three years is a lot of time to spend with a guy and still understand so little about who he is. You are running from knowing what is true. In life, there is a price for doing that. You're not going to like paying it.

The man you love is not this guy who moved into your house. The man you love is a fantasy you invented in your mind. Children retreat to fantasy when reality is too hard to bear. I suspect you have come up through some very hard circumstances, even aside from your involvement with this guy. But, when you use the defense mechanism of a child to cope with the challenges of being an adult, you are guaranteeing yourself a miserable life.

If you want to love a jerk, go ahead and love a jerk. That alone won't ruin your life completely. But stop telling yourself that he's really not a jerk. Stop confusing yourself with all this psycho-babble about how he's got this issue and that issue. "Poor guy. His last girlfriend cheated on him. Poor guy. He just can't trust." I'm not without compassion for this young man. I don't doubt that he was long ago the victim of something pretty bad. Maybe his dad was a horrible role model. He is damaged, and that's sad. Nobody gets to be this big of a loser all on his own. Someone failed him. If you, now, want to try and make up to him all that life didn't give him, go ahead and knock yourself out. But accept that he is who he is. He is a permanently, badly damaged human being who is incapable of not continuing to stumble through life as the jerk that he is. What you want from him he doesn't have to give.