Quote:
Originally Posted by Longingforhome
Even as I write the words, it’s becoming so much clearer: he’s not ‘abusing’ me, but it is such a familiar pattern of hurt/promises of change/building trust again/same thing happening again. Maybe, that’s what’s making the leaving so hard?
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much of your situation strongly resonates with me and what it was like when i was in therapy with a T who was not competent enough to handle working with my CPTSD and developmental trauma. i had become so enmeshed and unhealthily attached to him that i kept holding on the tiniest sliver of hope that something would change and that the re-enactments of early abuse patterns would finally end and lead to the cathartic healing i was searching for. i felt like i was forever running around in a hamster wheel, getting no where, except deeper into the rut of hopelessness. for me, that change didn't happen until i took the reigns back on my healing and decided to take a break from my T. during that break i started working with another T (doing neurofeedback therapy) and i started experiencing improvements almost immediately compared to the many years of talk therapy i had been doing. after my break, i returned to working with my talk T while continuing to do the neurofeedback and because of the improvements i was experiencing from doing the neurofeedback, i was able to work towards de-attaching my self from the unhealthy transference infused relationship with my ex-T and actually started making significant progress in other aspects of my therapy and my life. i ended talk therapy just over a year after starting the neurofeedback and to this day continue to feel quite satisfied and content about me and life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Longingforhome
I’m clear that I want to leave. I’m clear that I’m not running away or just being avoidant: I’m taking care of myself by getting out of a situation that is beyond my present resources. I just don’t seem to be able to make the final move.
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since you are already working with a trauma T, have you considered trying to take a break from T1 and focus just on the trauma work with T2? if T1 is anything like my ex-T, all he is doing is adding unnecessary drama and stress to an already stressful situation that distracts from the real truama work you may need to be doing with T2. i found having the break really was beneficial. it allowed me to step back from an overwhelming situation, it provided the opportunity to seriously contemplate and assess where i was at in life and where i wanted to be heading. it helped me see therapy from a whole new perspective and catalysed my agency, projecting me forward to the positive changes i made in therapy and in my life.
i say definilty trust your gut on this one
