Quote:
Originally Posted by Longingforhome
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I like the idea of taking a break from T1 and seeing how I am on the other side. I also feel like it’s the right time: until now I would have blamed myself and hated myself for leaving and been really down on myself for not being able to hack it. Or, I would have got caught in some angry blame game. I AM angry with him, but I also recognise it’s my own limitations, too.
I always just worry I’ll lose the option of going back. I know this work hasn’t been easy for him, either, and I would imagine me leaving would be something of a relief for him.
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you definitely sound like you have made some positive progress in coming to your decision.
i too was scared to stop and worried that he wouldn't let me come back, but i realised that for far too long i was letting my fears keep me stuck in a dynamic that wasn't healthy or helpful. it literally became a life or death situation for me, because i was also frightened iif I did remain in sessions that the overwhelming chaos i was experiencing was going to be the death of me. I was at the end of my rope...rock bottom. so the fear of dying at my own hands out weighed my fear of him possibly not seeing me again. when I told him i needed a break, i was quite blunt and direct about it. my husband also intervened on my behalf and set up a session with T to honesty fill him in on how serious this was for me...it wasn't me running away, resisting or avoiding. it was me doing what i needed at that time to stay alive.
i hope you find the courage to have an honest talk with your T about having a break, if that is what you finally decide to do. i know it's quite cliche to say, but if he is a good T and has the integrity, he should be understanding of your circumstances and welcoming of your return when you are ready.
Do keep us updated.