Hey tecomsin,

Well, it's like walking a tightrope, sometimes, when we need to reinforce boundaries with friends... or so that has often been my experience.

I think I'd ponder the situation a bit...while identifying exactly what I had found bothersome. I might write those points down for future reference, just until I was able to converse with him in person.

When I'd meet with him, I'd remain open-hearted, speaking from the heart, would try to remain cool, collected, focused.

If he gets defensive, just politely call him on that, assuring him he does not have to become defensive, as you are speaking to him as a friend.

Just a couple of thoughts which might prove helpful, or not.
I am "toast" today, so please forgive me if my post to you is not helpful.
I do care about you and about how your life is going, thus I'd wanted to respond to you. Much Love~