I'm sorry that you are hurting so much. I understand, as do others on this site, how we can start with depression at a young age yet have not major trauma to tie it to. It sounds like maybe it would be useful for you to talk to someone. Do you have access to a counselor or therapist? This forum is very supportive. Also check out the psychotherapy forum here on psychcentral. There have been recent posts on finding a therapist and on other options such as Better Help.