((hvert)), I am sorry you and your husband are going through this challenge. Unfortunately older parents can have certain things they think is right from their generation that don't really fit into how people see things now. One of those things is thinking that if a family member is ill or hospitalized it's a must or duty to rush to their side even when told not to bother. This is her son too and that can also present his mother with genuinely believing it's her duty to be there for him regardless of what he thinks or you think. It's very possible that in her generation a person was thought badly of if they did not rush to the side of a sick family member. There are things like this that can be deeply instilled in someone from an older generation. So, it doesn't always boil down to the person being a narcissist or toxic or bad in some way but instead a true duty. A mother's worst nightmare is to lose a child and it doesn't matter how old that child is either, it's ageless between mother and child. Actually, it would be considered extremely cold if a mother did not show this kind of concern for her children and as I mentioned, doesn't matter what the child's age is.