I thought it was especially rude since my father had just died and my best friend right after - and they wanted my husband to leave me alone to tend to their needs.

They complained I did not send a thank you note for the funeral flowers they sent. It hadn't even been a month! *I'm* the one who orders flowers for their birthdays/special days and they've never sent me a thank you note.

I am trying to keep a lid on my feelings about them so he can act on his own feelings without influence from me. It's a struggle! I find it especially difficult not to get angry at them thinking I am the reason he doesn't want them here, but it is easier for him if that's what they want to think, so whatever.

OE and unaluna, you nailed it with 'would be considered.' I realized that some of my friends who said that they would be by their child's side in a minute were probably the kind of mothers their kids want to see. Supportive, loving, and helpful. If your mother has never been that interested in you and suddenly wants to be by your side when tragedy strikes, it's kind of annoying. No one wants you in a supporting role if you haven't been going to the rehearsals.