I feel that I need to vent.

I expressed my feelings because I wanted her to know how I felt and I had hoped to be able to hold on to the relationship and repair it. But I didn't get any feeling of connection with her when she wrote back. I got the feeling she just wanted me to get over it so we could go back to our weekly lunches.

I think I had made a big mistake when I started paying for her meals years ago because she didn't make a lot of money and because she was doing the driving on our outings. I think this is when she started to devalue me.

I realized that expecting basic human respect was too much to ask because she doesn't consider my feelings, even when she was apologizing. It was something she was doing because she had been taught as a child to say sorry but not have any heartfelt contrition about it.

I had become her backup friend. Once her best friend called then it didn't matter that we had plans for the afternoon, now all that mattered was seeing her friend instead.