Hey WC,

Thanks for your good advise. I was texting with this male friend today and decided against raising my concern that way. Better to do it in person. I don't see him that often, maybe every few weeks, sometimes longer, so it will give me some time to chill. He is a good person so it is more that his boundaries were weak enough for him to leak out somethings he shouldn't have said.

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. The only suggestion I have is to really focus on how to minimize communication with him, while at the same time meeting your needs. It seems like he is feeding off your interactions, your upset and your desire to try to work things out no matter how unreasonable and threatening he is. Doing more of what you are doing is not going to improve his behavior toward you.

I once read a long time ago a short book called 'Getting to Yes'. The key thing I remember is that in any negotiation one should always have in mind BATNA "Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement". What is your BATNA? What will you do if you can't negotiate with him?

There is another topic I have read about dealing with disordered people when no contact is not a possibility. It is called "Grey Rock". See for instance; The Gray Rock Method Of Dealing With A Narcissist When No Contact Isn’t An Option


If he has frozen you out of accounts and you have no access to money I really think you need to get a lawyer asap.